This just in: the bottom has dropped out, economy floats on air.
This just in: the novel is dead. long live the novel!
This just in: great genius grants god guidance.
This just in: sinners reformed open their own religious ice cream parlor.
This just in: presidential candidates speak only in one-liners.
This just in: stay-at-home mothers demand more supermarket research.
This just in: liberal republicans commit mass suicide in front of Lincoln memorial.
This just in: sophomore reads Marxist literature, starts work on revolutionary thesis.
This just in: the novel is reborn, no one cares.
This just in: deaf man marries mute woman.
This just in: tea is the new coffee. yuppies banish the French press.
This just in: forensic scientists prove people die from murder.
This just in: religious ice cream parlors banned due to questionable content in flavors of the month: Moses macadamia nut, Judas jubilee, Babel banana melt
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